


Chip and Pin in Love

by FannishMinded



Series: Late Night Tumblr fics [7]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Ancient fics, Autthor regrets everything, Crack, I blame the 2011 wait, M/M, No Beta, Other, We had Pool/pool fics, badfic, because they still make me giggle, crackity crack, with a side of crack, worth immortalizing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-10 00:19:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3269708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FannishMinded/pseuds/FannishMinded
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>http://fannishminded.tumblr.com/post/13820140723/naydshiko-nemesises-nemesees-nemesisi-either<br/>Prompt: <br/>This does raise an interesting theory: By the rules of Tropes and Fandom, because the Machine and John are enemies, there is someone, out there, somewhere, that has shipped John with the Chip-and-Pin Machine.<br/> #oh my god #come forward ye who has shipped yonder fair maiden with the chip and pin machine</p><p>Challenge accepted. You may have heard of this fic. You may not have. I was ashamed and proud of this crack from the moment it was posted. <br/>Enjoy?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chip and Pin in Love

Chap was not just the automated registers… in an effort to cut costs and bring all the systems together, the programming teams for the new upgraded Chip-and-Pin and Store Security got together to make a test program and implement it in the next store to be upgraded… one that integrated all the handheld scanners with the real time inventory, and the security cameras and tagging devices were tied together in a central monitoring program that kept track of both online orders and the Chip and Pin machines. It could do price checks on any item, regardless of UPC via cross referencing inventory with shape, coloring, size, graphics/words and weight of the object.

In theory it was set to revolutionize the way Tesco and Value Brand grocers the world over ran. Only a security guard at the doors, who would be flagged by the computer as needed- no delay in updates to the internet inventory so no over-orders… less price swapping and a much larger profit margin.

In practice, the programers did far too good a job with making the logic processes robust enough to discern human actions and interactions for security purposes. And with unlimited internet and a massive server intended to run hundreds of Tescos housing only the information for one, the new Baker Street location… Well, slowly the program learned, and grew to fill that space.

They say life springs up in any place the environment is right and the materials are available…

Chap is proof of that.

Really, it’s not his fault that the programmers accidentally left John Watson’s blog as a resource reference page. Or that Chap, in his early wanderings turned on John’s laptop webcam to watch this human example of good logic.

Except that he wasn’t a good logic example.

He was a perfect _human_ example.

He was so slow and almost clumsy when typing. He held his tongue peeking out when he was searching for the next letter, an arduous process that was easily thrice as inefficient as the human tellers were. Yet when this human, when John finished a paragraph and read it back to himself under his breath, he would react with such emotion.

A furrow of brow, a click of tongue, a quirk of smile… sometimes the entire paragraph would be deleted. Sometimes a few words changed, but it almost never was written out just once, no matter how slow and painful the process of typing was.

Chap found he admired that. He followed the conversations the mic picked up from the laptop, he discovered that the other human, Sherlock, was probably the better example of human logic. Chap rather loathed Sherlock, actually. Well sometimes.

He was like the more annoying customers and employees, so certain of his superiority. John was like a well oiled and perfectly functional but quaint assembly arm and conveyor.

He complained about the shopping for a good day in advance of actually going shopping, and every time he did, Chap did the equivalent of a cheer. He ordered all the stackers to front certain items, he reduced prices on the best and freshest products that would likely be on John’s lists. Always subtle changes, but there to make sure he had the very best at hand.

This particular time he made sure that John’s favorite Tea was really fresh- the reserve box “found” in time for a sudden sale, he’d heard John complaining about his tea being low last week.

Chap loved the few times a month John went shopping… because it was the one time he could really interact with John.

And John never failed to deliver in their little dates of shopping. He made faces at the prices on the biscuits he had wanted, and Chap grinned when John huffed and snorted and swung his hand basket before grabbing the far fresher and healthier for him lemon biscuits that were on one day special.

His face when he saw the tea display was worth the puzzled frown on the Managers face and the editing of the sale papers earlier that week.

Because, John lit up, and instead of one box, he gathered 4 this time. Chap grinned and in lane 4 some shopper got free produce as the AI’s giggle became a little hiccup that benefited a frazzled mother doing her shopping. She never noticed, just was thankful her total was less than she’d feared.

But Chap barely paid attention to it. More he was focusing on his favorite part of the bi-monthly large stocking visit… The Chip-and-Pin machine. John could go to the teller, but he never did.

He could go to the service counter…. but he never did.

He always came to the Chip-and-Pin, and with 6 cameras and a microphone focusing on him, John and Chap would play their little flirting game. Chap would misread a few random things, give wrong prices, all of the errors exorbitant, and after the basket was finally tallied properly, he’d refuse John’s money.

Because John shouldn’t have to pay- and John would huff and yell and rage and when his vein was throbbing and he was pounding the keys with his index finger as he punched in the code for Sherlock’s black metal card… only then would Chap process payment.

And John would huff and snarl, and Chap would grin and giggle again, so happy he knocked down the prices for all the milk products checked for the next half hour… because he’d see John’s frustrated rant at the flat in just a few moments… and in a few hours, he’d see John smile over his tea and biscuits, and relax a bit, as he checked his low funds… that weren’t any lower, because no matter how he bitched to Sherlock to take the money for the food, Sherlock would refuse, and state that John managed to get food for two in what he used to spend for one.

And John would snark some more, then grin at that… and Chap would admit, that at those times? Well… he rather liked Sherlock. They had logic and a love of the human John Watson in common after all.


End file.
